Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize