your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
