so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
