We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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