Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
