im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
