That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i've created a new STD.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
