i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
