i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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