I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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