Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
