oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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