I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
