Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
