ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
