Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
