Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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