The maid of honor just puked.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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