Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
