He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
