i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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