Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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