how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
