i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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