dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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