i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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