the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
