Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
