I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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