He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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