forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
