Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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