You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just high enough for therapy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize