i would punch a child for taco bell
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Shame is for Republicans.
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