Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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