what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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