Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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