Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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