I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize