"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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