he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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