weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
