So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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