I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
