Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
