No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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