Me too!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
