you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
