omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
