She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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