So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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