ugly people sure do ruin things
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
