saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
