We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
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I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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