So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
