Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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