I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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