i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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