mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
