Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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