I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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