Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
