My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize