Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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