Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
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We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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