My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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