just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize