Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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