Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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